Is this the wine that you brought?
Where d' ya get that?
Hawk something
Yep.
New Zealand.
Mm mm!
Excuse me, who's that making that noise?
Mm?
Oh look at Nankypoo He's got his tongue hanging out.
I know, and he always sleeps like that.
Does he?
Mm mm.
Michael this is lovely.
You're not planning on having?
But that's awful that you've done
But
everything.
.
Well it is awful, I agree, but
Well, just stay there then.
Do you twos do the cooking rather than go out.
Well it depends
Yeah?
Oh Sonny, she bought those..
God!
Oh.
Rachel I asked you to take the glasses through.
That's alright.
Yeah, that was a bit under the belt.
Yeah.
I need another coat hanger.
Yep.
I know.
See what I have to put up with?
Sorry?
Do you see what I have
to put up with?
Who?
Anne-Marie.
It 'll all be changing when she owns her flat.
Interesting.
We 'll have to knuckle down a bit won't we se Rachel?
Now
It was so
about ready are we?
Mhm.
Is that what you missed?
Come and do it.
Okay?
And dog in?
Right, put the top
Here.
light on.
Well I don't need it.
Do you need it?
No.
Ah, it's a shame to, you know.
Mm.
It's more romantic I think.
Now is that?
Swallows the atmosphere.
I think it's the candlestick.
They don't give off so much light though do they?
No.
Purely decorative.
But I think.
Oh right.
We have paper ones.
Mm mm.
But might ignite.
We 'll be no, no, they don't ignite
because the candle is inside the shape of the candle shape holder that they're more translucent.
Right.
I think, but though we've also got some nice glass
Thank you.
Another grey one there.
Er, I 'm sure we didn't put a brush through my hair in the bath.
They're lovely, like laser beams.
Oh!
How lovely.
Yeah.
Ah.
Bon appetit.
That's the wine today.
No
Yes.
Isn't it nice?
I don't know.
We haven't tried it yet.
Glass Gearoid.
Cheers then chaps!
Cheers.
So long as you wait, I think you've been doing this all day.
Yes, cheers.
Thank you very much.
Thanks for a lovely
Super
day!
super weekend!
Thank you.
Thank you both for having us.
Yes, thank you.
Are you leaving?
I love this wine.
Mm mm.
It is very nice isn't it?
It's lovely.
Hawk
I've never tried it before Michael.
Well I won't be driving anywhere tonight.
I think I 'm twiddled after that gin and Martini.
It's oak it's been matured in.
Oh that's okay.
Mm!
Delicious!
Beautiful dishes.
Mm mm!
Ma, Patrick and I were walking the dog
What's this?
It's not
Pickled, pickled ginger.
Pickled ginger.
Yes, but I thought
Do you eat ginger?
it was ginger, well
Do you eat ginger.
Oh gosh this is absolutely
Wonderful!
lovely!
Mm mm!
I've never had it before.
Mm mm.
Pick pickled ginger.
I think ginger and melon is delicious.
Mm mm.
That is beautiful!
Cos I thought it was ma, I thought it was erm a ham or something.
Mm mm.
It's lovely!
Have you noticed her melon-baller
Oh yes, she did.
I went through everything with her.
She was delighted with it.
Mm.
Oh did you give her a me a melon baller?
We gave her one as well, yeah.
Mm.
Cos we have one.
Oh very yum, yum.
So
They surely sell them in Dublin though do they?
I haven't seen them.
I 'm sure they do, it's just
Mm mm.
you know, it's one of those things
Yeah.
you never think to pick it up for yourself.
Mm.
No, exactly.
You brought a zester didn't you, for Molly?
Mm.
I think they're a good idea.
Mm mm!
Gosh this pickled ginger's delicious!
Gorgeous!
I 'm hooked on ginger.
Tastes like lime.
Yeah.
Chris discovered it at Blakes.
Really?
Really?
first of all.
So what, what can you do with it?
I mean
Just have a bit bit with cold meat cold meat roast chicken
Yep.
pork
Mm mm!
Molly would love it.
So, I can have
Yes.
And Mikey likes ginger as well
Mm mm.
doesn't he?
Does your mother like ginger?
Mm mm.
I must give you one and take it for her.
And Michael es, and Michael especially.
Mm mm.
But
Cos I do chicken with ginger which
Th
is really nice.
Chicken, ginger
Oh do you?
and cashew nuts.
Oh!
You haven't given that to me.
With root ginger or powdered ginger.
It's root ginger.
It's delicious!
Very strong.
Cos it's very subtle.
But it's in a
Oh I
packet is it?
It's actually very subtle.
Mhm.
It's delicious.
So many people when they eat it, they can't actually decipher what it has, you know what it is, that it is ginger.
Yes.
It's very subtle.
I think Margaret doesn't understand the word subtle.
Cos she takes about two pounds of root ginger peels it
Really?
and chops it
and puts it with a pound of Philadelphia cheese into the cavity of the chicken outside it's just lightly rubbed with oil
Mm mm.
and then about two ounces of powdered ginger sprinkled over it.
Two ounces as well as all the ginger?
And puts it into roast in the oven, and takes it out after fifty minutes and then you get Philadelphia cheese and white wine melt it down in the wine
Mm mm!
stirring a bit more you know, crushed root ginger
Mm mm.
and that's your sauce to serve on the side.
I tell, you've never eaten anything like it!
Is it nice?
I could eat the tail.
Really?
It's gorgeous.
But i, I keep saying to Michael it's so expensive!
I mean root ginger's like a pound a pound, or two pound a pound.
No, not really.
It's not, it's not as expensive as it used to be.
It's got more and more popular strangely enough.
But she does ginger tea.
Oops.
So do I?
Oh I haven't drunk ginger tea before.
Well I 'll make you ginger tea.
Well we never tried that before.
But that's sounds what, can I just ask again, so you have a roast chicken yo, and you mix two
A pound of Philadelphia cheese.
Yeah.
But she does about two pound of root ginger.
Most normal people would have half a pound at the most.
That's two good roots.
You crush it or do you chop
Two whole, bash it.
it up?
Bash it?
Bash, bash.
Yeah.
And you put that, mix that in
Mix in.
with the Philadelphia
Into the cavity.
Right.
And
yo
then after
and then
fifty minutes
oil it, oil
It's
the outside
as if it's full
Yeah.
and moist.
Put the ground,
with the
the ground ginger
the the
Mhm.
you know, the powdered stuff.
Philadelphia cheese cooked in and
Cheese and everything inside.
keeping the whole chicken.
Mm.
Mm.
And then roast it.
And then after fifty minutes you do the melt the
She, well she cooks her chicken for only fifteen minutes, but I would cook my chicken
Oh.
longer.
Yeah.
Are we talking about a roast, a whole chicken?
A ro, a whole chicken.
Mm.
Fifteen minutes?
Fifty.
Fifty.
Oh fifty.
That's still pretty short
Mm.
It
isn't it?
it's about an hour and a half to cook a chicken.
But
Mm.
you could cook, you could cook it
for longer with that inside couldn't you?
Fifty, fifty and I wouldn't want to eat it.
Right.
Couldn't you?
It's very moist.
I don't like overcooked chicken.
I like it
But that'd be pink?
Do you like it pink?
So, surely
Mm.
yeah, it 'll still be pink.
I thought you had to be quite careful with chicken.
Well, you're not gon na be
Well we only ever use Marks and Spencers free range chicken.
We we used to have these in Dublin didn't we?
Can we give this dog
Yeah.
some chickens?
Oh don't!
I 'll have to try that one in, in Dublin, tell Molly I've been.
That sounds wonderful!
It's still a good thing to try.
Yeah, we do a well of course we, we used to make contact with who, were having a dinner party that we went to.
That's why we do all our entertaining one at a time.
Why do you only use Marks and Spencers' chickens.
Sheila says they're the best in England.
Really?
She won't have anything else in the hotel.
If there's a chicken dish in the hotel chickens don't come from our suppliers, they come from Marks and Spencers.
Do Marks and Spencers
So you just freeze them do you?
obviously you get them then from in bulk from
I just.
No.
What you just go to the supermarkets and buy a whole of chickens?
Mhm.
Really?
That's our extravagance.
Excuse me, er, for a moment.
Mm.
Well she thinks they're far superior to anybody
Can I help you?
else 's.
Yeah.
The napkins
Mm mm!
are napkins that we've been buying in antique fairs.
Have you?
Are they really?
Mm.
Yeah.
They were wonderful!
So you probably think
I think
they starch them though.
Oh well I have them ordered.
Mm.
We have them ordered.
Are they nice?
They are beautiful!
Yeah.
They really are lovely.
We got about a hundred napkins upstairs.
Really?
Yeah.
The napkins to well cheaper than buying new ones isn't it?
Mm mm!
Yes.
Mm.
You get them for two pounds fifty.
Four pounds.
Five pounds each.
They're wonderful aren't they?
You go to Peter and pay that for an ordinary
Mm mm.
Oh yeah.
what d' ya call it, kind of
Mm.
I just thought that was absolutely delicious!
Dave has a gorgeous recipe for erm Teriyaki beef.
On the menu of Biggs.
Oh what's
Really?
that?
She puts the pickled ginger on one side and another, like a Japanese horseradish called Wasabe which is green don't try it, it 'll blow your head off!
Really?
Oh yeah.
And th, the, the sort of steak is then it's er cooked like soya sauce
Oh yeah.
and marinated
Mm mm!
then it's served in strips.
Just delicious!
Is, is it expensive to eat Biggs?
Really?
Mm.
Oh I was just thinking, it'd be nice to go there.
I didn't think it would be
The starters are about nine pounds to in at thirty five for caviar.
Really?
Main courses are about eighteen to twenty eight.
And the puddings make about sixty pounds.
So it's sixty pounds each
Mm.
then?
Yeah.
And that's for the
Plus your booze.
Yeah.
Mm.
And is the drink very expensive?
Ya.
Her mark-up is about so what I normally do, she has never ever told me to pay for anything.
And she says go and have a meal
Oh yeah.
then
Yeah.
you know, and if anybody else does, they do but I always insist on paying for my drinks.
Yeah.
And
Thank you.
Which one?
she obviously didn't know this for a long time and then one day I said to her, well, it was lovely meal and all that but I do think your mark-up on the wine is scandalous!
What did she say?
Of course I get a staff discount.
Really?
She says well I know, and you know that that bottle of wine costs
Mm mm.
ten ninety five and, and we had two bottles last night so it costs us sixty pounds.
Well done Michael.
Who's making Gearoid pay?
Nobody makes me pay for it, I always pay for my drinks.
Really?
So it was murder!
Really?
I said I would never go back again
I 'll help you Michael.
No, I 'll, I 'll do it, it's okay.
I 'm all under control
Are you sure?
now.
She wouldn't let me pay for it.
Really?
So fair to say, the staff are depending on their tips to supplement their salary
Yeah.
so if I don't pay anything
Yeah.
they've lost that
Yes.
Right.
ability of earning that money
Yeah.
, so
You can't leave a tip regardless?
Well, Michael always leaves a tip.
Mm.
But what we've done now they've agreed to let me pay and I pay cost price for the drinks.
Right.
So we can drink ourselves silly and get a bill for about ten pounds.
And all that wonderful food!
Oh that's very good isn't it?
I 'm looking forward to the sweet I must
Mm.
say.
Mm.
Thank you for dinner.
Maybe Thursday.
Have you got a busy week now Michael?
Well Tuesday is my busiest day.
I 'm getting
What?
some more in.
Oh really?
Yeah.
That's alright.
Cos they're around then?
Yeah.
And how long are yours away for?
Too long.
Monday morning, four A M they landed.
Oh!
So you 'll have a an awful week then as usual?
Well I 'm hoping I 'm going to have a nice week but it Mavis, my housekeeper's away until Wednesday so I can't leave the house during the day.
Oh right.
Because the morning maid goes home at one o'clock and doesn't come back again until six.
the gardener comes.
Yes.
I can't just go off and have a look for somebody or
Mm mm.
go wandering down the high street can I?
Or whatever.
No.
Mm mm.
So Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I fully intend to.
Cos I never ever have time off.
I know, you said before you hardly miss a lunch.
Never.
Which is crazy!
I mean, I really do resent it sometimes.
I 'm not surprised.
Yes.
Cos it's dark in the morning when I go into work and it's dark when I 'm going home in the evenings.
It's getting a bit ridiculous!
It's getting.
And does provide food for you to have?
Occasionally.
I mean, at the moment there's no housekeeper so unless I actually say to the maid will you just put something in the oven for me?
That's it.
That's appalling though!
And on, on erm Thursday Thursday evening before they were going out to Mark she came home at just about half one.
She came and made me a ham sandwich and the maid just look at her to eat it now.
Brilliant!
There really was not a scrap of.
That's awful!
Because the housekeeper sorts all that out, so when she's away no one does it?
But she bought all these things for me from Marks and Spencers, you know breaded chicken and
Mm mm.
Mm.
breasts.
Yeah.
I put them all in the deep freeze.
Unless you think about it, you know the day before or the
Yeah
Yeah.
morning you come in.
But surely you can just defrost it in the microwave?
She doesn't have a microwave.
Does she not?
Why doesn't she use a
She doesn't like them.
microwave?
Doesn't like them.
But she bought you one.
She get you one.
That was quite funny because it was our first Christmas down there and I was saying to the housekeeper that I I wouldn't mind having people come and stay and not a problem because we've got a lovely cooker and we're going to bring our microwave down from.
Said it's electric, I 'm just going to unplug it and bring it down and put it on the work top.
The only thing is that it's chocolate brown and my kitchen's all white.
And she did and so I think two days before Christmas Lady said to me, okay I shall go into Peter and choose whatever microwave you want.
Just charge it to my account.
That's right.
What?
She said well you can't be carrying microwaves around England every time you want to have a meal.
And just, I know that's what, you haven't got one in the cottage and there you are, go and get it.
She's so generous isn't she?
Yeah.
There was no kind of
pricing mentioned.
I went to Peter
and looked at, you know, little ones, and huge ones
Oh yeah.
and things that did that thing and washing up and all the rest
and I thought what am I going to do?
Mm mm.
Cos I mean I wasn't with her that long.
Mm.
It was like my first Christmas.
And what was considered acceptable and what was considered being bloody greedy!
Yeah.
I said to the guy, how many of these could I actually walk out with?
And he said none.
They're all display models?
I said what have you got in the so, you know, warehouse on Sloane Avenue in
Mm.
white?
Oh I think that was one of two.
The other one was like four hundred and ninety nine pounds.
So, I 'll take it.
I didn't know, I didn't even know what I was taking.
Really?
I still haven't a clue of what er the
the pamphlet, it's far too complicated for me.
She's like that.
I mean, she's really sweet.
Mm mm.
I 'm very careful never to admire things or enthuse about things.
Because she's likely to give them to you?
Because she's likely to give them to you.
I mean, she knows I love Gardenia
Mm mm.
and because she was in Mustique and hadn't bought me a birthday present she made sure that there were two Gardenia plants at the party that night she bought me.
Really?
She's like that.
Mm.
She knows we love the pink champagne.
Mm mm.
The brand is in.
And it's not kind of standard champagne in the place but she always keeps a supply.
Always has champagne.
Got any champagne at home?
Get another bottle of that.
He must be running low.
You see I, I mean I know obviously the perks don't outweigh all that, er, at least you do get some perks.
At least you know, she can be generous and
Yes.
But she can be absolutely demonic there's no doubt about that.
She really can.
Mm.
And she drives you insane!
Well like you said last time, I think only a man can put up with her.
Mm.
That's probably why she got through so many women.
I think she's on back on the right track as well with her.
She was in a rut.
Okay.
Really?
There is more to life than worrying about how the maid's ironed your nightdress or you know.
So she does have a housekeeper that lives in?
No.
Now Molly's been with her since she first got married, you know.
She's a big Portuguese man-of-war.
And then she has a maid?
Who's very bitter.
Is she?
Why
Well
is she bitter?
well she's had a miserable life of her own kind of thing.
She's not married?
Doesn't like Sir Mark.
Her husband left her.
Oh.
Doesn't like Sir Mark.
I think resents him enormously.
He doesn't like her.
Oh really?
Because, you know, I understand that before he came along she was there you know, and that kind of situation
Yeah.
Yeah.
where you know, well it never used to be like that.
Is it
Mm mm.
her first marriage then?
This is the original
what?
Lady?
Yeah.
Third.
Oh third!
Really?
I didn't know that.
Number one was killed in a car crash?
Really?
And her, their children were not two and three years of age.
Oh how awful!
And the same week that he was killed, Sasha, her daughter was in Great Ormond Street having surgery for cancer of the brain.
That's appalling!
So
So she must have been quite young herself then?
Oh ya.
She married at eighteen.
So yo, I have enormous respect for anyone who actually
Mm mm.
through something like
And so
that.
she just divorced the second one?
Kind of a touchy subject.
Oh right.
He's Phil, the theatrical producer.
Got all these smash hits in the West End at the moment.
But, I don't know what the story is.
No one has ever said.
Any more.
On the rare occasion that it comes up she kind of laughs it off and says well it wasn't really a marriage.
And just change the subject.
So I could of been days
Oh.
literally.
Yeah.
So sh
Well Sir Marquess across the road it was his first wife who died of a brain tumour and left him with three daughters, as we know.
Oh really?
.
But it was almost inevitable.
So where are all the children now?
.
They have one son by this alliance and he's the youngest.
Ah but they're all young adults.
Oh so they all do their own thing?
So the girl that had
Ah yeah.
Ah yeah.
the girl that had cancer
Mm mm.
she's alright now?
She's fine.
Sasha's great!
Works at length.
And are they nice people?
Sasha's lovely.
Adorable.
Her brother is.
Really?
But I think that finally.
Use all these potatoes?
We certainly do.
Yes, it that a joke Michael?
I think he just well they've got pots of money between them why should I ever do any work?
Let them pay for everything, which they do.
His daughter's loathe her!
Really?
Although I think the elder one her
but the youngest one is really giving her a attack at the moment.
She's just come out of Saint Mary's didn't do as well as she thought, or everybody else hoped she would do in her A levels, so is now retaking one.
And she's just an evil little so and so!
I hate to say that about anybody, but she really is.
Yeah.
She conspired to be disruptive.
She's a liar.
An out and out liar!
Really?
And I think she's stealing stuff as well.
She's what?
She's got a huge allowance!
She's stealing stuff?
Stealing stuff.
From the house.
Does she still live at the home then?
Erm officially yeah.
But
You know that erm these people Chiddyfort where mum and dad are living and erm
Which people?
Oh yeah.
And they had fostered a girl because they couldn't have any children of their own as far as I know and and, ah they she's a com, a complete horror!
I mean, she's only about eighteen and she, she hates
She's got married now though.
she hates the parents.
Yeah I know.
And even about the wedding dress her mother, her mother knew
But she's calmed down a lot.
her mother knew, her mother that
Oh God!
if she, if she admired this dress
That one?
Thank you very much.
Yes.
That she wouldn't say anything so, Dorothy had to actually say erm well I really don't think you should go for that.
That's awful!
And the daughter said, right I 'll have that one.
But I think they are getting on better now though.
She was such a bitch!
Unbelievable!
This just, just looks absolutely wonderful Michael?
Look at the little carrots and everything.
This is gorgeous!
There.
Is this the chicken that I saw earlier transformed into little breaded
Yes it is.
And the breadcrumbs done by Michael.
He's a wonderful little treasure isn't he?
Have they got, have the breadcrumbs got herbs in?
Yes.
Taste.
Alright.
Mm mm!
It's ooh!
They're actually MacDonalds MacNuggets.
I've thrown the box away.
Mm..
They're absolutely wonderful!
But tell me
Shall I tell you what that's covered with?
It's actually a stuffing mix
Mm mm!
that you can buy here you can actually get it in Harrods as well, and I use as breadcrumbs.
It's absolutely gorgeous!
Mm mm!
There's more gravy here.
Anybody?
Mm.
Just a little.
Mm.
Right.
This is a delicious meal Michael.
Thank you very much.
It's really super!
It's wonderful!
It's only chi chicken.
The chicken is just
Is it?
gorgeous!
Mm mm.
And with a of course the vegetables.
Lovely vegetables!
Mm mm!
Gosh!
You've done very well Michael!
I don't take any gravy so have a bit more.
Do you not?
Do you want some Michael?
Have you had some?
I have some here thank you.
At the moment.
Okay.
Don't you like gravy?
That's it.
Wo!
Thank you.
She's had enough.
Mm.
She 'll have had
Mm.
Anything else?
No.
Oh I, it could be on, I can't see the red light now, it's gone the other side.
I hope we weren't discussing what I thought we were discussing on that
Mm mm.
tape or you really have to wipe it out.
I Know.
Mm mm.
Cos names
The tape ran out during Blind Date.
Mm mm.
names were named.
Mm mm.
Do you have it on during Blind Date.
Oh my God!
That could really lower the tone of the evening.
You had your day.
Well I didn't tell you about my hot date on Wednesday.
Ooh!
I didn't know you had one.
Tell me.
Tell us.
You know I had the choir concert last Saturday?
Mhm.
It was at a church in Hertford.
And we were completely frozen cos the boiler had broken down and we were there at two o'clock to rehearse.
And I had one rehearsal of two Bach pieces which were really difficult and I was com, feeling completely frantic during the break in rehearsal, and went over to look at the music and some fellow called Don bounded over to me and said, oh you can't be you know you sh can't be looking at that now, ba, la dee da dee da!
He must have heard that I'd come back from Ireland.
So, he was talking about Ireland, really raving about it and his name's Kennedy and he's from Liverpool and he likes to think he's got Irish blood in him, he's been there twice this year and
Mhm.
all that.
Really enthusing about it.
So we were chatting away about that.
And then erm after the rehearsal some of us went off to get a pizza before the concert and he said to me, erm are you interested in going to hear the Mozart Requiem, it's on at the Barbican on Wednesday?
So I said, yeah!
Co, I've always wanted to hear it, and as you know it's our next concert.
So erm that was fine, until after the concert
Was that a subsidised concert by were all the tickets one price or not?
At the Barbican?
I don't know.
It was packed!
Princess Diana was there.
I know.
That's it.
Really.
She was?
She was there when you were there?
Mm.
Mm, I saw her.
Mm.
Oh really?
All the tickets were
Mm mm.
one price.
I had heard
What was she wearing?
it was sponsored.
I read it in the
Black and white.
paper and thought well that would have been quite nice.
Mm mm.
Did you go with him?
I 'll come to that.
You said yes did anyway.
I said yes thinking Mozart would be lovely, and not thinking any more of it until he stuck to me like a limpet
for the rest of the concert and the penny began to drop erm He said something about the tube station not being the most romantic place to meet and I kind of brushed it off by saying well at least we won't get wet there or something.
Mm mm.
And then he said er, I said to him about
I've got to get the last train home.
He said don't worry, I have the winter timetable.
He's a train spotter.
He's got a green anorak with toggles
I see.
on.
And
I think it's better
Don't!
Alright.
He's tall but
he's tall which is great.
No problem.
He's in his well actually probably pushing forty at this stage.
But, he's got he's got a a big round red face and little eyes
and a moustache, and the most peculiar little bit under
Bit, yes.
there.
But really it's just like
What colour hair has he got?
it's just, it's just like a bit like that
But he's nice?
which goes Mm mm!
But I kept hearing him like scrape it during the concert.
I know.
But it
What col
It's ju
What colour hair?
Erm
Does it matter?
When you have a lobotomy!
Especially when he's
I don't know
.
Michael, Michael
Oh no.
Michael's hair colour I suppose.
A bit like that.
And then he's got he's got a beard, except it's not very long going behind his jawline like Captain Ahab.
Do you remember?
What?
Yes.
Yeah.
Kind of, out like that.
Really bizarre!
Weird.
Peculiar man.
He's head of er he's senior editor of classics at E M I, so he latched onto this sort of, you know
Ah.
ooh another thing in common, you know da da, da da.
And did you
So erm I was feeling a bit edgy about this when we were in the pub after the concert cos I thought maybe he's reading things into it and I, you know, I was just going along for the music.
So I thought, oh maybe I 'm reading too much into it.
So I met him on Wednesday evening Tottenham Court Road tube station and er chat, chat, chat.
He, he talked so much we missed our stop.
In a very loud voice!
Did you?
Yes.
Erm, and he kept touching me as well which really annoyed me!
Oh oh!
Well, I 'm a bit of toucher myself and I, I don't mind if it's friends or family or someone I 'm keen on
Oh yeah.
that doesn't bother me, but considering it was only the second I'd spoken to him and I did not fancy him in the least erm, it really made my skin crawl.
And erm first couple of times I kind of didn't respond, and the next few times I was literally flinching
Mm mm.
and moving away, like, hint, hint.
But he liked gripped me on the arm and then his hand would appear from nowhere during the concert, he like kind of rubbed my arm and are you alright?
. Oh it was just a nightmare!
I, I know I 'm a real bitch saying all this.
But, you know I think it, I thought it was his dingy grey suit to begin with that smelt of moth balls but it, it was his breath.
It was, I don't know how it smelt
of moth balls.
And he kept guffaw and going,
and get this awful blast of moth balls!
Really?
It was, it was a complete nightmare!
Oh.
And I, I wasn't prepared
I wasn't prepared for for it at all
Go on.
because afterwards I, he had his arm round me when we were leaving and said oh well, I've really enjoyed this evening, we 'll do it again won't we?
And I pulled away and I said, well erm I so enjoyed the Mozart I've always wanted to hear it.
Hint!
Hint!
I mean what could I do?
And then as we approached the tube station the arm around me again and erm and he
But was he a fellow choir man as well?
Yes!
It's awful you see because it's so
I would have been, been very rude to him.
But no, but I can't couldn't afford to be rude to him, I've only just joined the choir.
Well in future whenever he suggests something I think what you've got to do
There's some in here.
Okay?
I've got two here.
is never you know, join the breaks or whatever and just make sure you're not left alone
Mm.
you're with other girls.
Well, I 'm sorry, he just came on so strong.
Mm.
And, so I was forced into lying.
I said erm I've enjoyed the concert but I 'm afraid
Yeah.
a, er you know, I don't want there to be any.
misunderstanding, and he, he said explain.
So I had to lie.
Certainly.
and I said erm, I 'm going out with someone.
Cos I thought he hasn't taken any of my hints so far.
Erm, and he said, oh that sort of un, misunderstanding?
And then I thought I'd really put my foot in it and embarrassed both of us
Ha.
so there was silence until we got to the tube station and he said, how long have you been going out with this man?
Said oh I thought oh Becky would laugh if I told her this.
Well er, January, I think.
Mm.
Yes, about ten months I suppose.
This phantom.
Of the opera.
And erm oh he was, oh very lucky man!
Blah, blah, blah.
I had high hopes of us.
Ooh he kept, but he kept I'd even worked out my train to, from Ealing down to
Oh no!
erm, Strawberry Hill.
Blah, blah, blah!
I 'm sorry but I just think that is outrageous!
Well I know.
So presumptuous.
Say, because I 'm meeting someone that he'd plan out his
Mm mm.
his route.
He said, I hope I 'm not embarrassing you but I believe in being frank.
Blah, blah.
And then to my horror
er erm we changed to Embankment and he was supposed to go on the district line over to Ealing
Yes.
And I was going down to Waterloo for my train
Mm.
he said erm do you mind if I travel to Richmond with you?
Oh!
What could I say?
I mean no was ringing in my ears but I couldn't say that.
I mean, yes, I do mind.
Erm so we walked in and out of carriages as he sought a pair of seats together and erm squashed down, he had me like penned into the window, like I've got my bag and my umbrella in between ha, and I'd already told him I was going out with someone.
He was going like that to my face.
Like, I really felt abused.
I mean at the time
Ya.
I felt sorry for him but I must admit when I got home and the following morning, and since then I've felt quite angry about it.
That's
The next
isn't it?
the next time you see the girls in the choir
I 'll bet they 'll turn round and say
Well I, er, he ca, he was, he was then
be careful of whatever his name is.
he was then saying erm now what about a concert this Friday?
Erm, there's such and such going on.
And there's one er a week on Saturday, you know, let's go to both of those and I said erm I 'm away those weekends.
I said, I 'm going away this weekend, I 'm going away next weekend
Yeah, let's not.
and he said erm have you got your diary with you?
And I said no.
And he said, hadn't you better check?
And then he said, I don't mean to put pressure on, but I want to get to know you, we've got so much in common and erm I want to take you out for dinner, not just go to the concert, but, we don't get to know each other that way.
I 'll come down to Richmond and take you out for dinner, how does that sound?
I said, I 'll see you at choir.
But we don't get to see each other at the choir
erm, because you don't stay back for a drink afterwards because you're going to Strawberry Hill.
I know it 'll be easier when you're in Fulham, blah, blah, blah, but erm pressure!
Pressure.
Pressure.
Pressure.
Crowding me in.
And then he said
Then it 's, it's better to have a two-timer from
then he said I 'm lonely.
Marks and Spencers.
A lot easier to handle.
Sorry Rachel.
And then
No.
he said that
I did that for your sister's benefit.
I 'm not a loner, I 'm lonely.
He said, I haven't had a relationship since nineteen eighty.
I was married for a couple of years in the seventies.
Poor woman
I've got
probably committed suicide!
I 'm sorry.
He hasn't had a relationship since nineteen
Yeah.
eighty?
Did I forget to mention that?
Well, I 'm sorry, the girls at work just fell about laughing.
Nineteen eighty?
Nineteen eighty.
And I said, oh I 'm sure there's someone
You ought to join Dateline or something.
I said I 'm there's somewhere out there for you.
And he was obviously really furious that I'd said that.
And I thought, yeah well I know I'd be cross if someone said to that me but I don't give a toss actually.
You should suggest that he join
Dateline and he sounds awful
We 'll, we 'll put him on Blind Date.
Shall we nominate him?
Yeah.
And can you believe it erm
I don't believe.
Thursday night I was living in dread of the choir.
And I trundling along the district line to the Embankment across to Sloane Square and then hello, hello, I didn't expect to see you here.
Oh oh!
I never met anyone on the tube before from choir.
And I 'm sure my face was a picture.
I was just
appalled!
I was just thinking about what a horrendous evening it had been the night before and then he
confronted me
with his awful beard and everything.
Oh I du n no.
Is there anyone in
And I had
the choir that lives near you, or sca, can travel with you?
Actually there's Paul, the guy who'd given me a lift to the concert and, and he mentioned going to the, the film I saw, erm but I knew he was going to the pub, he always goes to the pub afterwards.
So I pa, I told one girl in the choir what had happened, and I think to begin
And what did she say?
with she thought I was overreacting cos she didn't really respond.
Is she married or what?
And then, she is married.
Er erm and then later on I, I, I think maybe she did realize, you know, cos I said I wasn't prepared for that and that hasn't happened before.
I didn't want to think, her to think that I was a show-off, you know
Yes.
oh I have fun with men all the time, chasing them and that.
Mm mm.
In my dreams!
And er er
she, she said to me on the way o, er as I was I said look I 'm going to scoot now and she said well I hope you don't get any unwanted company on the way back.
And I really felt on edge walking back to
Mm mm.
the tube station cos I expected him to spring out
Well, that's my point you see.
from erm, an alleyway or
But that man does live near you that can give you a lift.
I know, but then I, I'd have
Yeah but you'd also have
to endure the pub with the other with Don.
I know.
Well I think the next time you just I mean, go home by yourself next time, you know if there was a I think you've got to make a point of of you know, not being alone with
Mm mm.
somebody like that around.
Mm.
He's obviously obsessive.
Mm!
He's not listened to a word you've said.
See he's been married before
He said to me
as well.
I mean
he said to me on the train to Richmond
erm
Stop!
there may well be someone in, in the wings but that's irrelevant to me.
I 'll ignore that, I 'm in with a chance.
.
I think if you feel like that
Well there's no way, no way of there being
what's his excuse?
Yes.
Ya.
Cos he, he's being rude to you.
He has totally insulted you.
So I wouldn't feel at all embarrassed.
I mean, sod the choir!
Okay, you're in the same choir
Sod the choir!
but he doesn't own it.
Plenty of choirs.
He's not going to get you kicked out of the choir.
If anything, he should be kicked out if he's like that.
Mm.
Any new girl that comes along is gon na get him leching after her.
Who's the choir leader?
Er th, we have a conductor called Andy, who is our guest conductor.
Alright.
But is there nobody like erm
you know like an orchestra leader?
There isn't er, there isn't somebody who's sort of responsible for coordinating the choir, the choir leaders?
There's a chairman.
Bu, you know there's a committee with a chairman.
But we all get changed in the same room when we're at concerts.
And he 's.
What, men and women together?
Yes!
I know, I was appalled that Saturday.
Oh God!
And obviously
The only other
maybe I 'm misjudging but maybe he was observing.
I feel totally embarrassed.
I feel awful!
God they've got
I, you're too polite though.
I wouldn't be as polite as you are.
Just tell him to bugger off!
Yeah I would've done too.
Get one of those erm attack
Rape alarm
Rape
things, yeah.
rape alarms.
And just bleep that when he comes near you.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Honestly!
Rape!
Yeah.
Honestly!
Attempted rape!
You know, if he starts creating a scene then you say that retched thing has gone off again in my bag.
You know, d' ya know what I mean?
Just startle him.
Mm.
Cos then you're not going to be
Cos if he's not being put off by a boyfriend which most men would.
Mm.
Well if needs
Mm!
be, I mean I Gearoid will turn up.
Gearoid.
Are you nominating?
And I 'll play the boyfriend.
He's nominated Gearoid.
I 'll leave my handbag at home.
Or I 'll, or I 'll turn up
Oh God!
No it's really sweet of you
No what, perhaps what you should do is
Mm.
one of you should go and pick her up
That's what I 'm saying.
Mm.
from the choir one night and you can say to him oh my boyfriend's picking me up and then see how.
Or you, bring me over and introduce me.
Mm.
And I 'll say
you know, I 'll say thank you for taking Anna-Marie to, to the Mozart concert.
Mm.
I 'll have to do it
But I think she was very.
It was really, it was really, it was really very helpful to her at her choir and her practice that night.
Er erm
Yes, cos I 'm gon na have to make up some
rubbish about
Seeing him.
see my boyfriend isn't too interested in concerts
and that's why I've enjoyed coming out this evening.
And here, here am I, and then I 'll say you know of course I you know I 'm indebted to you because I realize that, you know, Anna-Marie is quite prepared to go out with other men if she wants to
but I like and make sure it's alright.
I 'm actually going to join in the choir.
You 'll be able to take her
I can't even have a
.
.
Anna-Marie's told me so much about it.
And can you tell me the ta, time of trains from.
Yum yum, look, come on over here.
And that's what he was like on Wednesday night, he said look
as so, more or less as soon as he'd said hello he said erm thirty two and two minutes past the hour, they're your trains.
I checked them up.
So I thought I couldn't even say
look
Why?
at one like ten past.
But he didn't.
Well, I would go along and
Mm.
pick you up and meet you one evening.
That's very sweet of you Michael.
I must say you
He doesn't know where you've told him you're going to be does he?
No, don't ever tell
No.
them.
And that's something
No.
Christine said.
Thank God he doesn't know where she lives here cos he 'll be round knocking on the door.
I know, but the appalling thing is that the address list was given out at the A G M and Christine's phone number is on it.
Cos Rachel rang me at work and said I need your phone number.
I've been fobbing her off saying, I haven't got anywhere permanent.
She said, I need your home number.
Well you 'll just have to change it when you leave.
Give them, give them Hazlemere number or something.
Isn't that too far?
Mm mm.
Sorry er i
but who was that, who was that list handed round to?
To everyone in the choir presumably.
Oh that's dreadful!
Oh God!
So you really
Don't you
tell Christine that.
Cos she actually said to me, thank God we're not gon na have him bothering us.
Well I thought
Don't erm
I 'll have to say I 'm Rachel because our voices sound the same.
Yeah well just don't let Christine know.
Just
Mm.
just say that
Don't erm that's very bazaar don't you
Mm mm.
think?
I think, I think that 's, I
Phone numbers handed out.
no I don't think that's on.
Because if you had, I don't think Christine's even got her number in the book.
He's got my work number.
So that's issuing someone's number.
Oh yeah.
You know
Mm mm.
An ex-directory one.
Mm.
I mean it's one thing letting the committee know for their records or something.
Don't tell them you have one.
But not just for the
Well that's it, I gave it
Just say you don't have the telephone.
out.
Mm.
Yes, but when you move to Fulham.
Oh!
I've just moved into a new flat, I don't have a telephone.
Yeah.
Mm mm.
And stick to it.
Yes.
And say the other one isn't valid now.
Mm.
Well just give your work number.
Mm.
I think that's fine if you give them your work number.
That's what
Yes but what about work?
I've given.
I mean you're there five days a week.
I know that's what I've given.
Mm mm.
I 'm delaying you now am I?
You're not.
I thought that meal was so delicious!
Mm mm.
This gravy is delicious as well!
Mm mm.
Do you like it?
Mm mm.
Took me thirty seconds to make that gravy.
So what's that made out of?
Booze.
I chose the booze
And has it got alcohol in it?
It has.
I wondered whether it had.
Erm it's made from Bisto, this instant
Mm mm.
granules.
You'd never believe that would you?
No.
Chicken variety.
With
Oh right.
er two tablespoons of Madeira
Oh lovely!
Lovely!
and some redcurrant and port jelly.
Mm mm!
Mm.
It's absolutely delicious!
Well we've nothing to mop it up with.
Dab it behind the ears.
I 'm gon na get Yum Yum to clear mine off.
It's good that bottle of gravy.
You'd never know it.
No that's great.
Little trick I learnt years
Cos that's nice.
Chris does one actually.
years and years and years ago.
Mm mm.
And you can vary it though, if you're having lamb by putting some mint jelly.
Delicious!
Well I certainly wouldn't worry about being rude to that to Don the train spotter.
No, I think there's some people you have to be very blunt to.
Donald.
Mm.
Don.
He 's, he's an obsessive person.
I think his mummy and daddy were poor.
Did he tell you?
being a train spotter.
Who?
You did.
Who?
No, I thought, I thought you meant you'd spoken to him after my date.
No, they were on before you went on your date.
Left mine afterwards.
Mm mm.
No he's very odd.
Cos I did
Does he friends within the choir?
I did more or less ignore on the tube journey and the walk to the choir that evening, I mean
Mm mm.
I 'm very aware of
Not encouraging him.
Yes.
So, I I didn't er, I didn't instigate a conversation at all.
But it sounds as though he doesn't realize that.
I didn't ask him whether he got back
But some people are so
alright, I didn't I answered in monosyllables.
Mm.
I didn't instigate a conversation.
And then I ran out after the
But he probably couldn't believe his luck that he was going out with you that night.
He said I couldn't believe you said
I mean what happened erm
yes straightaway.
I was thinking
How's that?
that's because of the Mozart, not you.
In highlighted pen that you know so when he goes out with someone in ninete, in two thousand he 'll say to someone the last time I went out with someone was in nineteen ninety three.
It's sad isn't it?
But I felt sorry for him, I did, but that was my immediate reaction that
Has he got a good voice?
Yes.
He's a good singer?
Mm.
He is.
Well he's obviously musical if he's involved in E M I as well.
Mm mm.
But he can be, he's very, perhaps a bit bossy in it, and erm may, maybe bitter I feel.
Doesn't have a very good sense of humour.
Mm mm.
I don't think anybody should go out with someone on their own in the beginning, I really don't.
Do you not, Gearoid.
No.
Not nowadays.
I don't care what anybody says.
Whether it's two
Yeah.
guys or two women
Mm mm.
or anything, I really don't think anyone should put themselves in that position.
You're better off going out as a threesome or a foursome
Yeah.
Yeah but if you get asked out
but until you
for a date, you're not going to say can I bring my friend?
By a total stranger?
Well I suppose I wouldn't do that with a total stranger.
She did.
I know, but a stra, what do you mean, what do you classify as a stranger?
Someone you don't know
Yeah.
anything about.
I know that they're they're
Because I go out
they're involved in the ca
if
in the, erm the choir.
Just because you work with the guy
But you've never had a conversation with him.
Mm mm.
Just because you know the guy from Marks and Spencers.
I did that with Graham.
I went out, I hadn't even I'd said hello to him, that was it.
You see, I think that's really strange in this day and age.
Yes but you're meeting in a public place.
Not like, I mean I was making my way there, he was making his way there and I wouldn't want them to come and pick me up in the car
Mm mm.
and me go off, I wouldn't do that without really you know, having been out with him a few times.
But I'd make
Good.
my own way there and meet them.
In a public place.
But if I met, but then that's slightly different because if I met someone in a nightclub or something like that then I would be quite wary.
Mm mm.
I don't think I'd I don't know I don't know what I'd do.
I'd feel quite differently.
But something like the choir or where you've been working, I don't know you, I, I've got this thing which is
Well I still
I think
think
you, you know you feel safe.
that even in something like the choir it's somebody that you should of struck up a, er a relationship you know, over several
The
intervals.
Mm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you suddenly, you thought to yourself well you know I actually quite like this chap.
Mm.
You know, wouldn't it be nice if he had asked me out.
And then suddenly the day
Mm mm.
comes along.
Not to sort of well you, you can't be blamed because I mean yo, in the innocent you were actually going because of the concert.
I know.
You see I ne
But he didn't, you know, he, he can't believe his luck that somebody
No.
as attractive as you
said yes
he's got this goat beard and this hairy bottom lip!
You know, breathe that smells of moth balls, I mean who would have thought of that.
And he, and
If he were taking several of you out why didn't you say to one of the other girls why don't you come?
Did he have a pair of tickets?
Cos it was when we were walking down
Michael can I have a look please?
Oh sorry!
Thank you.
Oh sorry.
Oh gross!
They are beautiful!
My darling would you pass me
Can I have some more milk?
Lovely.
Thank you
very much.
I better not put these on the table.
You did very well with these.
Interesting.
These are the ones that I saw on the
Yes but you've got those brown ones that Paula gave you.
I know, but I don't wear brown.
Which is why.
I think it's lovely though with black.
They're very
Yes.
smart aren't they?
Well who gave you, did you like Rachel's nice jacket?
Yeah.
I said that to you.
Yes, okay.
It brings out
Yeah.
You see I haven't got any unus, I've got stuff a bit like that, but I haven't got any anything like this.
The heel and everything's lovely isn't
Yeah.
it?
You look very dressy aren't you?
May I start my chocolate?
Absolutely.
Don't don't dribble it.
Yes.
Put it round this way.
I thought I 'm going to eat some.
Mm.
Yes because we won't be going
After that comes.
late tonight.
Could you could you pass me the milk please?
Yes.
My greatest pleasure.
Try this.
Oh that's nice.
Because it's so busy for me.
On five in this one?
Yeah.
Pardon?
What is he actually saying?
And we haven't got a clue.
See you've done very well knocking those together.
Think nothing of it.
Neither do we.
Haphazard.
One week it 'll be all savoury biscuits to go with and chocolate cake.
This cake's lovely are you not having any?
Yes.
Oh yes,
Just that I haven't passed her any
Oh sorry!
cake.
Sorry.
Oh sorry, sorry, sorry!
Oh well please calm down.
Just grab the knife up over head and down at the table.
This is a very timely supper.
You were tempted to take a knife out of?
I didn't have time.
Michael was asking about my menswear.
But he'd be made-to-measure.
But he didn't have any did he?
Waistcoats.
Oh no!
I remember we saw in the other shop It happened again.
Do you have any use for your French jacket at all?
When did you buy some jackets in France?
He.
And then we got know the go and get myself out of Marks and Spencers this weekend which for menswear particularly it was very dowdy.
And, and we.
Snobs!
Unlike your shoes Rachel, it's glossed out.
No.
Oh dear.
Was that in the sale, or that was the normal price?
In the sale.
I've never seen this gentleman.
Really?
Twenty five pounds is very good.
Don't you want some more milk?
No.
No we 'll just pocket the money.
But you said that they buy
Yes, but they sell, you can buy
I doubt it.
articles, but they sell them back again.
No thank you.
No thank you.
Sure?
No I 'm alright.
Okay.
But then they se, you see they sell those in their staff shop.
But
I thought it was meant to be anonymous.
.
It's up to a point.
Tell us about your job.
I can't stand it!
Aye well
Whose, whose mother did you see this morning?
Mm mm.
Why have you just tipped cream on that? in Cornwall.
Not indeed, I recognise it.
The Royal Albert Hall.
Th the commissionaires on the doorway.
But will they be defending.
Yeah.
That is a West Sussex term.
Been teaching it to Hazlemere.
Keep your hands close to the dish now Michael.
And we just.
Getting Michael giggly.
No Red Rock's come back.
I just wondered if you'd rather
pay it back.
It is on.
Isn't it?
Testing, testing, testing.
You're not supposed to know.
Oh my, I 'm not supposed to see.
Switch it off now for a few minutes.
Okay?
Ah ah!
I 'll leave you with that.
The worm.
Look at these flowers!
So these are lovely!
Mm mm.
Five cheesies to one slurp of drink.
Hmm mm.
Why is it pure gin?
I think Ted would be proud of me.
Well, my stars say if you find yourself at a low ebb this weekend don't worry.
Every so often we all need to wind down.
There you are.
If your a little numb, cynical, or apathetic it's probably a healthy sign.
It simply means you're in the process of recharging your batteries and reassessing your priorities.
Well Anna-Marie is there something you want to tell us?
I 'm Cancer.
What does it say about me.
Mm.
Market forces do not make the world go round.
The earth does not spin on its axis for profit, the sun does not shine because it happens to have shares in a household firm.
If any force guides the universe, universe, it surely must be love.
In allowing yourself to be led now by the same illogical but kind motive, you are not being as silly as you think.
Indeed, the more selfless you can be this weekend, the better things will work out
Oh how nice.
That sounds good to me.
What's Virgo?
Better.
It doesn't make sense to buy the cheapest brand of baked beans to save a few pence.
It's true.
So then fill your car tank at the most expensive petrol station in town.
If you're going to make economies, make efficient ones.
Similarly, if you are going to be extravagant, be so in an a area, where you're actually going to see the benefit
So you see
Ha
I told you you should have those two pairs of shoes.
happiness will come to all Virgos who aim the right arrows at the right targets this weekend.
Gearoid, what are you?
It depends.
It is the nineteenth of February, which one does it fall on theirs?
Pisces or Aquarius?
Pisces.
Aquaria, Aquarius.
Mhm.
Expect a hectic weekend.
Hmm mm.
You will have to spend a lot of time preventing tricky scenarios from getting any worse or keeping antagonistic individuals apart.
Who was that.
Simultaneously, you may be fending off criticism from a friend or relative who feels
Ah oh!
Aha.
Yes.
who feels your, your plans are not in their best interest.
Well
So naff off!
You can though perform a successful damage limitation exercise if you try.
You may even be able to coax a victory out of the situation.
That's Gearoid for you.
But if you attend church
I love this ad.
Tea!
Coffee!
What?
I shouldn't be so lazy.
Well we are.
I know but there's a lot of food coming out now.
I can't believe how strong
Is there?
these are.
It's good though.
I can feel the backs of my eyes warming now.
I can feel my
Thingamajig.
Yeah.
Your cheek.
whatever they call that.
My cheek, yeah.
The back of my throat.
Mm mm.
Last time I saw this was in
Who is that?
This?
erm Blind Date.
Clara B seems to live in fear of me appearing on there one evening.
Her tuning in and watching.
Probably you will.
You're joking?
They interviewed, interview you to get on there anyway.
The one thing that really, apar, well not the one thing, many things irritate me about the programme, but one of them is that they get people on so you've got someone choosing who lives in Edinburgh choosing someone who lives down in Plymouth
Mm mm.
you know, amongst someone else who's from you know Wales or something.
Mm mm.
I mean it's so silly!
Mm.
Well
They should all have them from a similar area because most of the time they say oh well they live so far away
Mm mm.
you know.
I don't like it when they're horrid to each other.
Well there was a big row, and I thought it was going to get really nasty.
They were so horrendous to each other.
I think I might have sawn that.
Yeah.
She was just absolutely appalling!
She was dreadful wasn't she?
Oh!
She was so conceited.
Let's see yous.
What are you wearing?
Oh I don't like is she showing her tummy?
She is isn't she?
No!
Must be a belt.
Is it?
Yes, it's a belt.
Well actually, at least she's wearing decent colours.
She's pulled her hair back off her
She has hasn't she?
I mean that outfit's not a bad one for her really is it?
For her.
Better than some of them.
I don't really like the short sleeves.
No.
I know but some of the things she wears are so awful!
Oh yeah.
Oh what's he got between his legs?
Oh.
Probably black knickers.
Look how much she's got on.
But you have to look at th, his trousers, the last man.
So he's from Bournemouth.
Oh.
He was
Here!
Come here.
Mm mm.
Don't you want one?
Look at her thighs.
They're really big aren't they?
Mm mm.
Oh look at that.
Do you see
Yes.
what I mean?
Look at the trousers.
Mm.
I am about to fall asleep.
Cos my life's so interesting.
He's probably nervous.
Mm mm.
No.
Yum Yum, come on.
You'd think he was entitled to living with us too you know.
Yum Yum.
Yum Yum.
Yum Yum.
Yum Yum.
Come on.
There you see.
Thank you.
The awful thing is, he 'll terrorize the other one.
No that was stop you doing that.
He wasn't even half way down and he was growling.
Poor old Cilla.
Oh he's awful.
He gives me the creeps.
Just in case he's got these.
Mm mm.
Yuk!
Yuk!
What an absolute jerk!
Are you really?
Jolly hockey sticks!
Oh ya!
Oh God!
Mm.
But he's got quite an old face for
Mm.
his body.
He can only take certain size steps though.
He couldn't run.
He's
Peculiar.
Shrieks.
No!
Yum Yum.
Wo!
Come on here.
Good boy.
Lie down then.
Is that what you
Lie down.
do now.
What say that
Yep.
to Yum yum.
What?
The woman's going to be quite posh.
She 'll probably be as nutty as hell and come from West Yorkshire or something.
I think Cilla doesn't photograph well.
She's not photogenic.
There is a lovely photo of her of the back of her C D's.
Oh look what she's
Ya, but it's
wearing!
airbrush though isn't it?
It looks
Mm mm.
It's a bit.
That's awful!
Leather and denim.
Leather and denim.
Mm.
She looks older than my mother.
Mm.
Yeah.
What did you say Gearoid?
A student?
Well she could be my age and be a student.
She sounds awful!
Well, yeah, I was gon na say mutton dressed as lamb.
.
Well that would have worn off.
What is she studying?
History.
I mean she could be twenty five.
I mean
Historical figure.
Oh God!
I've got to do the washing up?
Shall I, shall I come and help you?
Only when you're drunk.
Only when you're coming to refill.
No, I 'll come now.
What do you want me to do?
Sit there.
Are you sure?
I think Gearoid should
You're enjoying yourself.
be doing the cooking because he's the only sober one.
Hello.
Well that's just, he's just sad really isn't he?
Oh no!
He's what The Roman version of.
He's funny isn't he, number one?
Excuse you.
I think they'd be, they'd be quite well suited.
Mm mm.
She certainly wouldn't like that number three.
I think he's quite nice.
Yeah.
But he's not really coming out with the answers.
What did you say?
Got jug ears this one.
Are you gon na sing it?
She's very broad shouldered.
Mm.
Isn't she?
Oh no!
Oh no!
Michael, she's chosen number three.
You're kidding?
She's going to die when she sees him.
Oh oh!
What was, what was the audience reactions?
I think shock.
She doesn't look very happy.
He's quite nice.
Tall isn't he?
Yeah.
Lovely.
He's the best of the lot.
Yeah.
Very nice.
See she's going to see these two that are fairly normal and then she's going to see number three.
Hobbling
I hate that dress she's got on.
She's straight down to his trousers
Mm mm!
then.
She's really eyeing him up and down.
What did she say?
Look what he's got.
Oh she not impre, oh no.
She's got quite big thighs hasn't she?
She's got big thighs?
Mm.
Mm.
I mean that jacket doesn't look right does it?
See.
Try putting number one and number two out of your mind.
Too late now.
Yeah.
She's go, she 'll have to go back behind the scenes and chat the other two up.
Yeah.
That is sad really isn't it?
So you could end up with someone like that.
Be awful.
Oh.
This guy last week she said you're going to the Emerald Isles and he said where is the Emerald Isles?
You're joking?
No.
He hadn't got a clue.
Oh no, so they've been Ireland have they?
Watch that.
But his trousers need taking up don't they?
This is really funny advert.
Have you seen this?
I like the Kit-Kat one.
He's just awful at cooking.
I like the one with the penguins feet in it.
Yeah.
Mm.
He is so ugly!
He is isn't he?
Somehow
Oh that's what we have for breakfast.
Ooh!
We need to have a.
A lot of petrol station cards you get a lot.
Yes I know.
There's a what?
Revolting petrol station cards.
Oh no!
Maggie!
Maggie!
Maggie!
Bouffant hair tied up in her
I know.
hair.
That's going to sell
Mm.
like a bomb!
You've done very well with it.
In fact you've done amazingly well.
Yes.
So easy.
Mm mm.
Mm mm.
What have you got on here?
Is that?
The one Molly got me.
She just went and gave me that.
Why did she do that?
Lovely.
She got one for Sarah.
Oh oh!
Michael!
Ya?
They're in Ireland these two.
Where?
They're just arriving.
I think it's Shannon they arrived in.
Shannon?
Oh oh!
I feel sorry for her!
Yes they're going to that, they're going to erm
Planning a formal
Yes.
hello.
And he didn't know where the Em, he didn't know where the Emerald Isles was last week, he had to ask.
Mm.
I know!
It's worth doing the Blind Date to see this.
Hello.
I'd just love to go there!
One day
Mm mm.
I will.
Yeah yeah.
Shush now.
What is she making?
Fish.
Seafood.
Well that's not erm that's not silver trout.
That 's.
It's not
Trout looks nice though doesn't it?
Look at her blue plates there.
Look at the willow.
She has the same as us.
Shh!
Yum Yum!
I bet she hasn't got any egg cups.
I bet she has.
Look at the way that
Yum Yum!
Shh!
I 'm trying to listen.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here!
This is
Come here!
House.
Come and sit here.
Hello.
Are they in Cork then?
Je, Jameson, yeah, look.
I think she's been, I think she's been at
No one.
the drink.
Mm?
It's Jameson.
I think she's had some of somebody's drink.
He's a bit too cocky isn't he?
He's got nice teeth.
They've been capped.
He has money.
What is he?
Poser.
I don't know but he's too yo
Yeah.
He's a poser.
Oh look, he's good at the pot throwing though.
And he shouldn't have admitted to not knowing what the Emerald Isle was.
Cretin!
Bloody Hell!
He's gone mad!
Yeah but you shouldn't really
If things go wrong though.
It's about to fall.
Yeah.
Ah ah!
He lost it.
How sad.
Oh!
Wedding bells.
They're holding hands.
Blind Date.
I think you were the only one that recognised that.
Yeah.
You were actually.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes erm
Yes, cos he's been on the gin and Martini.
Been on the Coke.
She's on a ve, she's in a very kind of pretty dress, I couldn't imagine him liking that.
Be horrid to him.
To me she looks as though she's got bags under them.
But I 'm not critical.
How old are they?
Oh lovely!
What an awful man!
She seems quite nice really.
Mm mm.
A bit normal.
Mm.
Quite distant.
He's very cocky.
Well at least they're going to see each other again.
Yeah.
He's just a bit, he needs to calm down a bit cos he's not got, he's got quite a nice face.
She's a bit
She's quite normal.
Right I 'm just going into the kitchen to help out.
No you're not.
Are you sure?
You look a bit rough.
Want some milk dear?
You sure?
Yes do.
Probably.
falling off like that
Always.
to sleep.
Probably.
Hello.
Have you been to the movies?
To the movies?
Actually I haven't recently.
One guy in the choir said erm that the Tina Turner one is probably on in Strawberry Hill and he lives near there.
So you could go to that.
I 'm quite interested in seeing that.
Mm.
I'd like to see the Fugitive.
And Much Ado About Nothing.
I 'm not sure if there's anything on.
We went to see something called the Wedding Banquet.
Called the Wedding Banquet?
Banquet.
Really?
It was absolutely hysterical!
I've never laughed so much.
Is this the one that you were talking about in the
Du n no.
I've not heard of that.
It's starts very quietly at the stage, there's very little you know
Mm.
or anything but it's just
Oh really?
taken off.
Oh lovely!
It's about these two chaps living in New York one is American and the other is er Hong Kong, no Chinese and they're an affair, they're living
Mm.
together, very sort of
Mm.
you know, kind, one is an architect and the other the Chinese guy is a property dealer.
And he so when it started he said sometimes my drives me mad.
Oh oh!
You know, I wouldn't put that in where, in any review.
Yeah.
and in fact it starts off with him in the gym doing his work out and he has this Sony Walkman on
Yes.
and he's listening to a tape that his mum has sent him.
Instead of writing letters they sent tapes.
Oh right.
Yeah.
And it's the usual, well you know son you're getting on now and it's time to settle down and I've put your name down for agency in Taiwan or whatever, and we've got this lovely girl who we think is ideal for you, da da, da da da and we're sending over the papers for you to fill in.
So erm amongst the business property that he has he has this warehouse with
Mm.
a Chinese girl she's living in it, in a kind of a real dive of loft thing to do her art and she gives him the odd painting instead of paying rent.
Mm.
So things are getting more and more fraught with the folks back home who are determined to have him married.
So he's filling in the application form of the dating agency, he said the girl's got to be five foot ten, living in China,
Mm mm.
an opera singer, erm
Is this is story?
This is a movie.
Film.
Oh right.
Got to have at least two degrees, if not three kind of thing.
Mm.
And you know, they're ticking off all these things jokingly and of course back comes a tape from mother,.
She's five foot ten, opera singer, she's got four degrees, and she's coming to Manhattan on Thursday kind of thing, to meet you.
Oh no!
No!
So the girl is in on this, the artist and he goes off to meet this er bride-to-be at the airport and she comes in, perfectly, she looks like a model off of, off of Vogue, he practically drops dead of course.
Mm.
But he has no interest in her at all.
He doesn't
Mm.
want to marry her, but it gets funnier and funnier.
So to shut the parents up he says I 'm going to marry you.
Will you be with who's the artist.
Right.
Well, we're just gon na have a simple ceremony and er afterwards that's it.
Yeah.
And apparently this couple who desperately in China, you simply don't do it, you have a wedding banquet and that's all there is too it.
We're coming on the next flight for the wedding.
And of course, they're all changing bedrooms, she's trying to memorize, you know, his favourite food and where does he put his underwear and all this kind of thing.
Oh no!
It's absolutely hysterical!
Oh it sounds great!
Oh right!
It's wonderful!
It's so funny!
And then they have the wedding.
This girl is just so sensational!
The artist?
When she's dressed in the, the gown
Really?
and everything beautiful looking!
Really?
And then it goes to
But they do actually get married then?
They get married at City Hall so that she can have her green card and stay.
And, and then they go and have this they go to dinner like, his parents his wife his boyfriend
Mm mm.
and the other girl and they go to this very chichi Chinese restaurant and when they walk in the manager of the restaurant recognizes his father who is obviously a very important man in China before the revolution and he goes over, chats so in honour of the Mr Moo Bing, you know
Yeah.
such important guest this evening she's let him into the banquet and of course the guys are dying at this stage.
No!
So they have a wedding banquet that is breathtaking!
This room was just with decorations!
Really?
All the lanterns and her hair and everything, and the food and everything looked superb!
drink though cos I 'm driving.
You could drink now be driving for hours.
.
Oh yes, I just probably won't have any gin martinis or
.
And I won't be having a mug full of
Baileys.
Baileys.
Oh you do disappoint me Rachel.
Oh this is lovely isn't it?
What a nice wide street.
Oyster seafood.
We 'll get some
Oh isn't that pretty, that pink.
Yeah.
roses.
Right outside the off licence.
Yeah,
.
A quick walk and then
Yeah.
Going in the back?
Aha.
There you are.
Am I in your way?
Yeah.
you've got yourself tangled up.
We like oak.
oak tables.
That dining room table was gorgeous.
How much was it?
Yes it was beautiful
She never said.
Did she?
She never actually gave a price for that table.
No I don't think she did.
What the big long one it was, we saw the price of it.
She was willing to measure.
How much was it?
Was it three thousand?
No it wasn't it was one thousand four hundred.
Mm?
Really oh God yeah we should have bought it.
Becher's Brook..
So whereabouts are you going to live?
Up in the hills.
Well when are you going to have time to go there.
The Pyrenees.
South of France.
The sun.
.
serious.
We 'll go there for Oh yeah.
We're going to we're getting that's our project for next year.
We're going to
Something modern.
Yeah
Really?
lock up in a village
Mm.
so that we can get Mrs.
And then we can all go and stay there.
Claudette with the moped.
somebody said there was an echo.
And how often will we go and stay, maybe three or four times.
Right.
We will probably use it as vacation.
Yeah.
Er well do you go away that often.
I mean it's a long drive down south
Flying.
We 'll be flying to Nice or somewhere like that.
Right.
It's no more expensive than flying home.
About a hundred and thirty nine return I think.
Really?
And if you have your flights booked up you know
Mm.
well in advance you 'll get the Apex
Mm.
That's the plan anyway.
So you won't be going to America any more?
Why well I'd say you know maybe not five times a year but.
bathroom.
Sorry?
The thought of us going to America only three times it's upset her.
Erm that's the plan of course it it will take us a long time to find something suitable.
Or it might take a weekend depending.
Oh are you going to go down there then for a weekend?
I'd say we 'll have to do more than that, I'd say we 'll have to go down for a week.
drive down.
Mm.
And then have the car so that we can actually just drive all round.
Do you not want to do this?
to fly.
Oh I see but you want to get a place in France.
We 'll get a little hire car.
Oh yes.
A nice
So you 'll h you 'll have three properties then?
Mm.
So?
Take it from there and have it ultramodern.
I mean have it it won't be ultramodern living
Well it could be.
Cos it 'll be sparse.
Mm.
Very basic.
Well you wouldn't want everything
Pressure
So that you'd Yes
Yeah.
So that when you lock up and maybe don't see it for another four
Yeah.
five months, it's not really that
Yeah.
Yeah.
And hopefully something you nothing with a garden because
A big sitting room with a balcony.
You know sliding doors,
Mm.
and a balcony big enough to fit out maybe with a table and a parasol.
And then one bedroom,
two sofa beds.
In a nice block.
Mm.
chateau.
taking on a bit much.
Yes it would be really, you'd have to employ the staff over there as well.
And then eventually California for my old age.
Well
I've got the Winter rates for.
Are they good?
not bad actually.
When?
Straight after Christmas?
January, February.
Good a ten day break.
As Peggy would say,.
To hell with what?
To hell with poverty, kill a h let's kill a hen.
Or he was only knee high to a duck.
Very valid
.
Mm?
.
They're not gon na be able to transcribe what Gearoid says cos they can't hear.
If you just attach this to your
you've got a hair on your lower lip.
I think Gearoid ought to shave can you, you ought to show Gearoid how it's
Yeah.
trendy to have his beard done now.
I keep threatening to have a clean shaved face.
Really.
friend threatens to leave me forever.
.
I mean oh how awful.
But h Well obviously you have been clean shaven at some stage but
Believe it or believe it not he was he wasn't born with a beard.
But he's had it pretty much since.
Really.
Have you got photos of you without a beard?
Yes we lost.
Which photos are we going to look at.
This hovel.
Oh yes.
before and after.
Yeah.
That's what we 'll do.
So
excuse you.
.
No it's not it's
Who's that?
They seem to have dismantled all of the cushions.
Exactly.
Do they do that.
They like nothing better.
Did he push those cushions down there?
Where are they both where's the other one?
Over on the chair.
Oh yeah.
Oh yes he's not looking very happy.
He's staring over.
He's a cute little chap though isn't he.
Mm mm.
Yum yum.
Well they both are.
Don't look so sad.
He's very insecure I don't know how he got that way.
He is isn't he.
Cos you give him lots of fuss.
Mm well we love him to death.
No I do though, I adore him.
I love him.
Erm
He suffers from paranoia.
He does doesn't he.
You know the egg cups, I thought the egg cups were for the conservatory here but they're for the conservatory in Fulham.
In Fulham.
That's okay.
Erm
Okay can we j will we just clear up a bit more.
Are you having a bath?
Do I need one?
I mean is this your is this your polite way of telling me that I need a bath.
I 'm not having one I've had mine for the month.
You you said you'd like to have a bath this evening.
You said so this morning.
No I meant tomorrow evening I 'll have one.
Not here you won't.
.
No I 'm fine honestly, that 'll do me now.
What about you do you want one tonight?
I 'll have one tomorrow morning.
Yeah that's okay.
Is that alright?
Perfect.
Or is it easier to have it tonight?
Excuse me, I was the one who h was last in the bathroom and therefore was last down for breakfast.
In time for the Baileys.
.
Listen, I don't think it's that bad.
Who me?
Anne Marie keeps eyeballing me so I think that means wash up.
And I think there was a cork over there, near the bottle.
for you?
Yeah lovely.
Are you sure?
Yeah, it's just this.
It was wonderful.
rice krispies when I go home.
I certainly don't mind but I 'm completely but at the prospect of having to face them tomorrow morning.
I had a thought about your shoes Rachel.
Oh what?
You see you got me started.
I thought to myself I know how Rachel can justify a second pair of shoes.
You have a day's work which is unexpected tomorrow,
a little portion of what I 'm paying for the heel.
There you are, but at least it's paying towards it.
Yes yes.
It's money you that you hadn't
Mm yes.
anticipated.
I know what you mean.
Yes.
Yes good one Michael.
I think another day's work.
Are you off from college all day tomorrow?
Yes I have Mondays off.
Ah.
So you try t do you try to work every Monday?
Erm I do yes.
Then I had to come back and read Shakespeare.
You should have read him when you were younger.
You'd be an expert on him.
Are you reading him again.
I 'm doing the Winter's Tale for Tuesday.
I did that for A-level.
Mm that's the most famous.
Mhm.
I went to see it at the Barbican, it's very good.
How much of Shakespeare do you have to do or do you have to do it all?
You can't possibly have to do it all do you?
We're doing Twelfth Night and the Winter's Tale this semester.
.
And we did Hamlet and King Lear last year.
And your favourite?
None.
But you you must prefer one over the others do you?
No.
No I preferred the other l the other we did.
Who?
We did Ghosts which is erm Ibsen yeah.
Mm.
And we did Death of a Salesman which is an Arthur Miller.
Mhm that was a film wasn't it.
I haven't read either of them.
Well I quite liked I preferred those.
The ones I really liked that we did last year were the erm we did Great Expectations.
Oh yes.
Mm?
But I 'll drop my English after Christmas.
I do my exam in January and then I drop it because I go on a teaching practice and I pick it up halfway through third year.
Oh really
How much teaching practice do you have to do?
I've got odd days and then a six week block.
And do you know where you're having that teaching practice?
Mm in Guildford.
Oh that's right, you said yes.
It's next door to my old middle school, it's where a lot of my friends went.
Are any of your friends teaching?
There?
Or in the teaching profession.
No.
Will you be a good teacher?
Pardon?
Will you be a good teacher?
Oh I don't know.
Who knows.
I think it's in the blood though isn't it with our family.
Yeah there's a lot of teachers.
.
Yes and erm side as well.
Daddy's side has got his cousins, two of his cousins are teachers, his sister's a teacher.
Apparently his mother taught, that's how she met.
I don't know if I'd want to stay in teaching, I'd quite like to have my own nursery school.
But what I'd do is I'd I'd do it from hours something like eight until six and I'd give them a cooked lunch all fresh food
Mm.
and after say three o'clock in the afternoon they'd do activities, work connected with
School.
school.
Joy-riding, mugging.
Yes.
Yes.
.
If you g if you attend a nursery school, you're less likely to fall into criminal ways than if you haven't attended a nursery school.
Why's that?
I've never heard that before.
It's a fact.
.
It's according to satist to statistics and studies carried out.
But what's the reasoning behind that.
The reasoning behind that is that come from a lower class generally if you can't you know you can't go to a nursery school cos you have to pay for nursery school education in this country.
And you don't actually start learning how to how to structure and do things in your leisure time.
Cos at nursery school it's basically it is leisure.
Mm.
Pursuits that you're doing.
You see if you if you haven't been introduced to those when you're young.
At an early age.
It's actually and that's the most absorbent time, your mind's most absorbent where you're up to the age of five which is when you should when you're at nursery school.
And if you come from a family that don't bother and they haven't got the time to show you how to do things, or do things with you, and don't send you to a nursery school then you start you know just I suppose like what they do is.
Well I think the attitude is and maybe I 'm totally wrong the attitude is that if they're outside, they're not creating mess and havoc in the house.
Mm.
Mm.
sort of turn a blind eye.
Mm.
You don't remember
When we were out for lunch a few weeks ago, Alan asked where I was brought up and I said popped out on stalks two brothers had gone to school at.
What were their names?
.
I can't say I remember that one.
And I 'm afraid I don't know the other brother's name.
I think you'd be inclined to remember that name.
Well I was little red riding hood
I know.
in our production.
I would have thought that would have been your cup of tea.
.
I found it very inaccessible.
Sorry.
Very inaccessible it seemed to me.
Well you have to travel by car to the station.
Oh it seemed to be a terrible drive.
Well you just turn off the A three at instead of.
We just weren't used to driving in the country then, it seemed like a long way from
So we're down to Guildford but not through Guildford.
No not Guildford, you carry on the A three
Further on.
Much further on.
Further on.
Much further on.
And you instead of taking the instead of going as far as the traffic lights to come to us, you take the exit before that which is
Mm.
and you just go down through there and you come into.
It's not I wouldn't say
very very.
Mm.
But to go to and to go to I would have thought would have taken similar lengths of time.
Yeah.
I remember the.
Poplars it was called was it?
Did you get it yesterday?
Junipers junipers.
So he converted his barn which was huge and he used it for recitals, put a lovely grand piano in it.
Mm.
to raise money for charity.
I think.
Are they real then.
Oh yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
You could actually do these yourselves.
Mm.
You can grow them from seed.
There's a to be made in developing a teapot that doesn't drip.
Yes absolutely.
It's just a million pounds and more.
Well I 'm not moving only because it's the actually there is a bit more room isn't there.
Where are the dogs?
There's one on a chair.
And then the sofa.
Oh they're both over here.
Oh right.
On the floor flaked out.
What was life like for you before you had your cottage here?
What was life like for us?
Erm
spend money stupidly.
We'd go out for dinner or we'd be
In the shops.
in the shops buying
You see it's limited really isn't it?
What
Being in London.
Being in London
All the time.
Yeah yeah.
Mm, not having any escape.
It's ridiculous.
I mean you know we've proved the point with the the money that we used to spend stupidly.
Really you've noticed the difference?
We're spending the money now on the cottage and things like that but it just makes it just makes you think what we were frittering away.
Yeah.
And we'd go to the theatre or but I mean we do all that sort of thing still but we just have to cram it into the week.
Yes yes.
For you.
Oh no, really.
Blackberry jam.
Try it.
Oh God.
You must open it.
I will.
when did you get me some?
I bought it in Paris.
Did you?
lovely.
delicious.
Perfect.
.
Mhm.
We've been so lucky it hasn't rained.
Mhm.
Very lucky.
Last weekend and this week although last weekend was much hotter..
Mm.
Sing.
.
Strawberry mm they're delicious.
These are Marks and Spencers.
I like them cos I find some croissants are too buttery.
There's something wrong with her jam.
.
Grandma used to make croissants didn't she?
Where did you get all the beads from?
in Paris.
Mm do you have to take them off every time you wash it?
No I walked through the children's department one day and I saw this necklace with these beads hanging from it
Mm.
I know where I could use those.
So I went over and I bought two necklaces, I gave them to Julie who made the shirt, and she took them apart
Mm.
sewed them on.
Mm.
Is that material
You don't approve Rachel.
I do.
I was just thinking about the practicalities of it.
Is that material brought back from San Francisco.
It is from San Diego.
Oh right.
It's lovely isn't it.
I I like it I 'm just fascinated by all those things.
I told you about didn't I?
Remind me?
With all the cowboy boots.
Oh yeah.
.
I have one that's got it's like a desert scene with cacti and a cowboy and this
Mm.
bison.
Really.
Yahoo and yippee-ai-ay
Thank you.
Dig in.
I 'm going to it's wonderful.
square dancing.
I 'm not sure that erm a West Irelander's worthy of one of these.
Mm.
Mm that's delicious.
You should try some Anne Marie.
I like my croissants.
Mm really blackberry.
There's nothing worse than a jam where there's not bits in it could be anything.
Looks like a jelly.
Mm.
of people who wouldn't eat this.
That would only eat the jelly.
Because this has got the bits in?
Mm.
It's like people who eat marmalade has no peel in it.
Do you like marmalade with no peel?
I don't like marmalade.
The peel is even more off putting to me.
Urgh.
I I wouldn't eat marmalade anyway.
We were brought up on peanut butter.
And Marmite.
Delightful.
I like Marmite.
On toast or
Mm.
What did you
We were allowed to have peanut butter I think on Saturdays.
Well we never had erm we never had crunchy peanut butter.
towards the end but.
No she still buys smooth erm I remember I must have been about three years old, it was when we were still up North and mummy was dashing out, it was breakfast time and she go easy on the peanut butter, there's hardly any left.
So not only did I ea spread one side with peanut butter, I turned it over
Good for you.
We were in a supermarket, I don't know where it was but somewhere in the states and I told you I think they're boast were sixty something varieties of peanut butter.
How could you have so many varieties of peanut butter.
Well you have combinations of you know, peanut butter and jelly
Ooh.
flavoured with cinnamon.
No.
Ooh gosh I 'm sorry but that's just
huge number of bizarre things.
Actually they're crazy into cinnamon aren't they?
Mm.
Well I 'll never forget when we were younger, we had erm some Americans living across the road and they invited us er somehow I was in the kitchen, they were going to give me lunch and she gave me the most enormous
You probably barged your way in Rachel
Probably.
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I didn't know what to do with it because I certainly couldn't eat it.
It was just appalling.
I've never experienced anything like it.
Did you try to eat it?
I did.
Anybody want tea?
Well I found it very hard.
Thank you.
Fruit flavoured honey?
Mm.
What's that like?
It's really lovely.
Like raspberry honey.
Yeah.
Really?
Strawberry honey, cinnamon honey.
They're really lovely spread.
chocolate decadence.
Chocolate
Are these in America?
What's chocolate decadence then?
Chocolate spread?
Put it in the microwave for two minutes, and it's liquid chocolate sauce..
Really.
Oh God.
This must be nearly Oh no it's ten.
Well we're earlier than we were yesterday.
Yeah.
We're very well organized.
I slept like a log last night.
Did you I wondered whether
Oh really.
you'd slept alright or not?
The dogs were up and down a lot.
Did you hear them upstairs at one stage?
Yes.
I heard them.
During the night.
was very cross that he couldn't get into the room.
Mm hopefully.
Well tough shit.
Well I invited them up this morni They were so excited this morning when I came down.
Yes but I think they
They were jumping up and putting their paws up so they I went up back upstairs and they sk tried to skid up but they were going so quickly that one of them went down the step again.
And basically they managed to jump up on the bed unlike yesterday morning where pretended she couldn't get up on the bed.
Mhm.
He.
He.
Are you going to try any of this?
No I won't thank you.
I mean I 'm sure I'd like it.
I love the way he calls his grandfather granddad.
yes I heard him saying that.
Really.
That's rather unnerving
Captivating, he's a very captivating.
And he was chatting away to them.
That's not the way you do that.
She's a teacher.
Oh is she?
That explains it then.
Mm.
Oh yes, I've never ever heard them speak you know, to him as though he's a baby.
Mm.
It's always been almost on their level.
Mm.
And you know from as soon as he could walk it was explained to him you know, that you must walk and not and
So there's no father?
Which I think is a blessing cos I think he's a real so and so.
Who, the father?
Mm he was an actor in Emmerdale Farm.
Was he?
Yes.
Which one was he then?
The people who own the riding school or
Mm no it doesn't mean anything.
So he's left he left her?
She left him.
They were never married.
What does he play around?
Well are they married?
I wouldn't do that for you Rachel.
I wouldn't expect you to.
I just thought if they were married and had children or something then they.
Much to mummy and daddy's despair, none of them are showing any inclination to.
anyone?
She didn't look that young.
She is actually the younger.
Yes she's in her twenties.
No.
Yes.
Sorry.
Really?
Yeah I think she's Yeah I think she's twenty six or something.
what's her name?
Anna's the eldest, she's thirty five?
Thirty seven.
So there can't be that much of a gap between them.
I think there is.
She looks a lot older than that.
So do you have quite a few famous connections round here?
Did that guy live round here then?
No.
No, Yorkshire.
Oh she used to live up there did she?
Mm.
Had a cottage at a very remote location.
Quite a rustic
Mm.
way of life.
rustic Yorkshire.
And while he was on the film set or wherever he was you know, away from home for the week, he'd be playing around with every bit of skirt he could find.
But I think she's doing a good job of bringing Thomas up I must say..
She certainly doesn't any kind of handicap or a stigma.
Good.
which is good.
it's young for her I mean
And she's got him into a very good er nursery school apparently.
Somewhere in Blackheath.
Erm which is close to where she's goes to school.
It's costing her a lot of money.
Oh she doesn't live down here?
Oh right.
They all live in London.
And erm and she says you know well she just has to do what she has to do he can go to school and but she 'll just have to make do on you know, what money she has.
she's on a very good salary.
What does she do then?
Eighteen or twenty thousand a year as a teacher.
Plus single mother's benefit.
She's not exactly destitute.
mortgage as well Gearoid.
paying the mortgage.
I 'm sure she is.
I was thinking it another room bigger.
It's it's about half the size again.
If you if you did get how would how would
We'd have to keep
you do it?
We'd have to keep the outside as is, it would always have to have two front doors.
Mm.
But that's no bad thing, if you ever wanted to sell it.
Erm
.
Just knock through here.
I mean the whole thing would have to be redesigned.
So you wouldn't knock upstairs cos you'd have two staircases wouldn't you?
I quite like that actually.
Sally has two staircases.
It's not unusual.
What yo you would have to do a a lot of remodelling downstairs because t there's no point having two kitchens.
But if we had the accommodation downstairs, you we could ea easily have a good sitting room that we never use.
Have it there for show.
.
Is that the way they've done it or
It is very
What does that what do you what do you mean?
Their furniture their furnishings.
It's very white.
Oh is it.
Yeah it's all it's very stark.
So it's not kind of country cottage style.
No she has a couple of nice pieces though.
Erm wi if you had the accommodation of both houses downstairs, you'd have you'd easily have a good size sitting room.
You'd have a d a separate dining room.
Mm.
You'd then maybe have like a little library.
Yeah.
And and a good size kitchen breakfast room.
You'd actually have quite a lot of accommodation downstairs.
Mm and four bedrooms.
And four bedrooms.
You see we'd get rid rid of one bathroom, in fact I'd maybe be tempted to put a bathroom upstairs.
It could be en suite.
Mm.
With like a dressing room.
isn't there.
Well er I mean eventually we'd have to think of something.
But it it's if we don't have that opportunity with next door then some years down the line.
But would you consider touring erm retiring here?
I know it's a long way off but you mentioned retirement yesterday.
You taking early retirement?
All your secrets.
I've no interest in work.
I loathe work.
Mm.
I just loathe work.
I think life is too short.
if you can retire at fifty.
Well we'd have to divest ourselves of some of our assets.
I also think there's no point retiring at sixty five you know, aged and decrepit.
Mm.
Probably incontinent and you know whatever
Mm mm.
And then you start thinking well you know now I 'll see the world.
What's the point?
Yeah.
I mean you want to see the world when you you know when you're fit and able.
Mm yeah.
And do the things you can.
two years isn't he and he can retire early.
He 'll be about fifty seven.
he could still do work, I mean he could still
I think he'd want to have some kind of little business going where if he wants to he can go off And then he can go off and pick it up and
And he does like to travel.
I know he is thinking of going to France.
Whereabouts?
In the middle really isn't it?
He doesn't want to go too far down to the South.
In an hour north east of Paris, going towards Belgium.
No I think that's too north isn't it.
Yeah.
Yeah because our uncle also wants to so they didn't know whether they should all go and get or whatever I don't know.
But mummy's not very keen.
She wants to be near us.
She wants us to settle down and then she knows where she w where she should be.
And then she can go off.
And daddy's doing his advanced French classes.
Is he.
And he was delighted that he learnt how to say, I 'm having a lie-in tomorrow morning.
Very useful when one is taking early retirement.
Is he I didn't know he'd started doing advanced French.
Where?
In.
Cos I thought he did advanced French last year.
He had yes he had some some last year.
she teaches business English to French people.
To French people.
Really.
And she teaches business French to Englishmen.
And she's one of the highest qualified French teachers around, she's adorable
Really.
don't have the same character, the other two are very.
A bit cold.
They're not just cold but you know, I 'm sure everything that's done is plotted.
